About being thick-skinned

Now that I am back in the job market looking for a job, I realize one thing that is very important -- maintaining a good relationship with your ex-bosses. In the process of looking for a job, you really cannot avoid being asked to provide reference from your previous employers, and having a good reference from your ex-bosses really do make a difference. I must admit that I am not one who is very good at keeping in touch with people, and it really bothers me having to ask others for favors, especially from those who I haven't gotten in touch for quite some time.

I remember seeing a book in Beijing with the title: "Being thick-skinned is a competitive advantage (for the lazy) |厚脸皮也是一种竞争力（最适合现代懒人操作的成功学）". I cannot agree more with this statement (the first part without the lazy). The free dictionary defines "thick-skinned" as being "insensitive to criticism or hints, and not easily upset or affected". In a negative connotation, a thick-skinned person is one who doesn't know how to gauge the reactions from the environment, and hence, always causing inconvenience to other people with his/her insensitivity. In a positive connotation, a thick-skinned person could be one who is persistent and has no fear of rejection or negative feedback, which could sometimes help get things done, especially in persuasion. Think of the countless instances when girl finally falls for boy whom she initially didn't like, but kept on pursuing like an annoying housefly.

I have always been a very self-conscious person, and I really dislike being rejected. But I do realize that many of the concerns that I have are merely fragments of my imagination. Before I do something, I always try to imagine how people would react to my actions. There is a flaw in this, as my speculation would be biased by my own perspective. Even if some people will hate you for the things that you do, you just have to accept the fact that you can never be on everyone's good side. Nevertheless, I think the basis for being thick-skinned is that your real motivation must be justified by your conscience. In life, sometimes we will be at the receiving end, and sometimes we will be at the giving end; no matter which end we are at, it is very important to always be grateful towards those who have helped us along the way, and be generous towards those who need our help to move forward. Be thick-skinned when needed, and try to be more understanding of the thick-skinned, as you will never know when you will be in that kind of position.