Where did the time go?

I really can't believe that the year is going to end soon! I can still remember vividly how excited I was at the beginning of the year, getting ready to embark on my journey to Beijing for my exchange study. And here I am, two and a half months into my new job in Kuala Lumpur.

Where did the time go? Seems like not long ago, I was commuting to and fro between the Sunway hostel and Monash, hanging at Sunway Pyramid in the weekends. Seems like not long ago, I was crossing the crazy junction at WuDaoKou (Beijing) where the pedestrian crossing light means nothing, rushing to get on the bus to Peking University's East Gate. Seems like not long ago, I was having a great journey travelling with Lay Teng across the Yunnan Province. Seems like not long ago, I was roaming around Taipei with my family, exploring, eating and shopping. Where did the time go? Where did the time go?

Good way to end the year

Last week, during our company's staff meeting, the winners for the company's MMXL award were announced. MMXL (Media Monitors Excellence Award) is my company's employee recognition award. It is held two times a year in each of the company's operating region (SEA, ANZ, China HK), and there are four awards given: best newcomer, above and beyond (best performance), best leader and best idea. By the end of the year, one global winner will be chosen for each of these award categories.

To my great surprise, I actually won the best newcomer last week! It was definitely a proud moment for me (and slightly embarrassing when one of the judges went on and on about the reasons I was chosen as the winner). I guess I was very luck to join the company just in time to be nominated for the award. Although I didn't think I should win given that I am still on probation, it was definitely a boost of confidence for me. I guess I must have done something right to be selected as the winner out of 5 nominees.

The global winners will be announced some time in December. I am not having high hopes in winning, again because I am really new to the company, so I don't think I have contributed enough compared to the other new but not-so-new employees. But I guess there is no harm in running that extra mile, just in case, if no decisions have been made yet, maybe I do stand a chance? If I really win the global award, that would be a super awesome way to end year 2011 :)

And then next year, I shall aim to win either the best performance or best idea award!

Best Newcomer Award: RM500 Jusco Vouchers

十一月感想

慢慢地适应吉隆坡的新生活，虽然日常生活中仍有一些让我心烦的不便，例如不可靠的公共交通、变幻无常的天气、让人咬牙切齿的网速等，但也渐渐地妥协和习惯了，因为面对相同问题的人不只是我一个。当然，也有很多活得比我更富裕自在的，这些人我虚心向他们看齐，希望有朝一日我也能达到他们的境界。

工作的时间只有短短的两个月，感觉却似乎过了许久，或许这当中发生很多事情和变动，所以才有此感想。工作至今发展得蛮顺利地，尽管个人觉得只是在履行本份，在同事眼里却好似非常积极主动，这可能是学历背景和工作经验上的差别使然。媒体分析员（Media Analyst）的工作性质比较内向，不需要太多互动，跟我之前的工作性质大不同，我也乐得轻松。偶尔，这种闲逸会让人不安，一旦适应了，以后是否会失去了斗志而踟蹰不前？

看着身边的人的发展际遇，总觉自己落后一节。拍拖的拍拖，成家的成家，生子的生子，而我依然孤身寡人。今后何去何从，我一点概念都没有。岁月匆匆催人老，我也老大不年轻了啊，对于未来却没有什么实在的对策，走一步算一步呗。以往的雄心壮志，很多已沦为空想。对于现实世界有更多的认知以后，我才发觉原来在很多事情上我都有心无力。该放弃的已放弃，该收敛的已收敛了，如今的我只图个脚踏实地，安分守己。

October Happiness 十月喜喜事

2011年10月29日，很想红小姐和最佳人选先生相互签约定下终生大事。

注册仪式在新加坡 Dempsey Hill 的 House 餐厅的举行。我非常欣赏很想红小姐为场景布置所花费的心思；当天的 flower arrangement 都由她一手包办。整场仪式在一个即浪漫又温暖的气氛下进行。主持婚姻注册仪式的 solemniser 先生风趣十足，不时调侃两位略显紧张的新人，逗得大家笑嘻嘻。无论如何，两人最后还是顺利地在亲朋好友的见证下许下对彼此的终生承诺，正式携手迈向他们人生的另一阶段。

真心祝福这对新人，希望两人能够互相扶持共谱属于两人的美好未来。

About being thick-skinned

Now that I am back in the job market looking for a job, I realize one thing that is very important -- maintaining a good relationship with your ex-bosses. In the process of looking for a job, you really cannot avoid being asked to provide reference from your previous employers, and having a good reference from your ex-bosses really do make a difference. I must admit that I am not one who is very good at keeping in touch with people, and it really bothers me having to ask others for favors, especially from those who I haven't gotten in touch for quite some time.

I remember seeing a book in Beijing with the title: "Being thick-skinned is a competitive advantage (for the lazy) |厚脸皮也是一种竞争力（最适合现代懒人操作的成功学）". I cannot agree more with this statement (the first part without the lazy). The free dictionary defines "thick-skinned" as being "insensitive to criticism or hints, and not easily upset or affected". In a negative connotation, a thick-skinned person is one who doesn't know how to gauge the reactions from the environment, and hence, always causing inconvenience to other people with his/her insensitivity. In a positive connotation, a thick-skinned person could be one who is persistent and has no fear of rejection or negative feedback, which could sometimes help get things done, especially in persuasion. Think of the countless instances when girl finally falls for boy whom she initially didn't like, but kept on pursuing like an annoying housefly.

I have always been a very self-conscious person, and I really dislike being rejected. But I do realize that many of the concerns that I have are merely fragments of my imagination. Before I do something, I always try to imagine how people would react to my actions. There is a flaw in this, as my speculation would be biased by my own perspective. Even if some people will hate you for the things that you do, you just have to accept the fact that you can never be on everyone's good side. Nevertheless, I think the basis for being thick-skinned is that your real motivation must be justified by your conscience. In life, sometimes we will be at the receiving end, and sometimes we will be at the giving end; no matter which end we are at, it is very important to always be grateful towards those who have helped us along the way, and be generous towards those who need our help to move forward. Be thick-skinned when needed, and try to be more understanding of the thick-skinned, as you will never know when you will be in that kind of position.

迷茫

从北京回来大约有一个月，目前首要的作业就是找一份可以成为事业的工作。过去的两份职业都只维持了一年左右，也没有做出什么值得骄傲的成绩，这一点其实让我非常懊恼。后来，抱着一份想要更上一层楼，加一点点逃避现实的心情，我重新回到了学校。虽然学习生涯没有想象般充实，但我没有后悔这个决定。从当年拿到奖学金到美国读大学，在纽约长岛工作，再到新加坡工作，随后回马继续深造，到北京大学交换留学 -- 这一切一切的发生都是我从来没有预想过的事情。老实说，我觉得自己过去几年一直都过得很迷茫，除了赚钱养活自己之外，好像没有一个明确的人生目标。虽然有很多想法，却缺乏付诸行动的实力。现在，又回到了相同的岔口，又是做选择的时候，我希望可以做一个明智的决定。可是，对于“自己想要追求的是什么”这个问题，反复斟酌之后还是未能能达到一个最终的答案。

之前读过一本哲学书，作者说道：追求梦想也要讲究实际，如果梦想遥不可及的话，必须学会跟现实妥协，从自己做得到的事情开始，否则将会变成愤世嫉俗的人，躲起来独自沮丧，就算这样，世界也不会因此而为你改变。躲起来这种想法，经常在我的脑海中闪过。以前每当在工作上遇见棘手的状况，我最想做的就是躲到桌底下人家看不到我的地方。主要是因为“害怕”和“在意”；害怕不知道的事情、做不好的事情，也在意别人对于我的评价。这算是我性格上的其中一个弱点吧。这个弱点让我的生活过得很保守，有时甚至过于拘谨。时间一久了，这样的生活方式慢慢变成了习惯，也就更难改变，这是让我感到非常恐惧的一点。随着年龄的增长，我发现生活中有越来越多让我有心无力的事，因此变得更急躁。二十出头的时候，没做成的事情可以用“反正还有时间”作借口；现在距离三十岁还有三年，我真真切切地体会到对于时间流逝的恐惧和无可奈何。我没有本钱去走冤枉路，所以必须更慎重地去决定接下来的目的地，然后才能够定下要走的路。遥不可及的梦想，我有很多，好在我本来就已经学会跟现实妥协（又是一个软弱的表现？）；愤世嫉俗，我也有一点点，虽然很想躲起来，但是艰难的时候也硬着头皮、咬紧牙根渡过了。想要reach for the star，却又害怕从高处掉下来的伤痛；在梦想和现实之间该如何取得一个平衡点，会是我一生需要不断学习的一门学问。

我真的很羡慕那些知道自己在做什么的人。这样的人我遇过几位，他们的热情和魄力真的不是开玩笑的。当然，我看到的或许只是他们风光的一面，要站到那种位置上所经历的磨练一定不简单。像我一样迷茫的人，反而遇到更多。相遇的时候，总有一种同是天涯沦落人，彼此惺惺相惜的情怀；原来有这样的苦恼的并不只是我一个人啊！但是，聚在一起的人们，除了互相安慰 everything is going to be ok 之外，似乎没有想出什么对策，每每得出的结论就是：见步行步吧，毕竟那是我们最熟悉的生活方式。如果突然间被判死刑的话，我最终一定会抱着很多遗憾而死吧，因为还没有做的事情实在太多太多了。我急切地需要自我改变，打从骨子里的改变。想象着未来的十年、二十年如果也像现在一样迷迷糊糊地渡过，我真的感到非常非常地害怕。虽然不知道走到最后是一个怎样的结局，但求这一路走下去能够写出值得与他人共勉之的人生故事。

最后想和大家分享在《两天一夜》里听见的一首歌：Verandah Project 的 《山行》。虽然不知道歌词的意义，但单听旋律应该是一首充满正面能量的歌曲吧。

Repotting the cacti

Repotting the cacti today! The cacti at my house's backyard have been left unattended for a very long time. Although they don't look very healthy, they still survive, that proves how 'tahan lasak' those cacti are. Some of the cacti have outgrown the pots, and the roots are rotting, I even found ant nest in one of the pots, ewe!

I threw out most of the cacti I repotted today, keeping only a few of the young ones with healthy roots. I need to put some effort into grooming the selected few, and hopefully they will flower......

I think I finish about 25% of the work today, I really hope I can see this little project through. I have been wanting to do this for quite some time, but I never managed to get pass the "hangat-hangat tahi ayam" curse. There were some really cute potted cacti that I saw online, I think the pots do make a difference. Hmm...maybe I should also go get some cute pots tomorrow for my next batch of cacti.

Never really got a green thumb, so wish me luck with the project!

Repotted cacti 1

Repotted cacti 2

Repotted cacti 3

Throwing these away......

I hope mine would grow into these :)

回家

I am back. 我终于从北京回来了。5个月的交换生生涯，还没有恍过神就匆匆地过了。北京很遗憾地还没有探索完。这个新旧交错，east meets west 的城市，像一个大杂烩，什么味道都有，却说不上来是什么味道，很满、很杂、很乱……这就是北京给我的感觉。

北京人口有差不多2300万，差不多是马来西亚全国人口的百分之八十（在中国时才发觉没有人懂得“巴仙”这个词）。到处都是人，到处都是车，到处都是痰。尽管政府极力鼓励人民成为文化人，看来随地吐痰这种习惯不是可以轻易改变的。就算这么拥挤得让人窒息，中国人、外国人还是一箩筐一箩筐地到这个城市来捞金。中国是这个时代的黄金地，到处都是商机，而新崛起的中产阶级便是让商业机构们垂涎欲滴的肥羊。

对于我，北京还是一个很有魅力的城市。可是，待了5个月后，感觉不适合长住。是我老了吗，适应力差了吗，还是已经厌倦了一个人的生活？所以时间一到，便乐乎乎地收拾包袱回家了，尽管我的祖国也闹得乱糟糟的，让我心里又爱又恨，但是不能否认，回家的感觉真好。

近况更新

今年本预计参加 3 场婚礼，这个星期没有预警地收到了两个参加婚礼的邀约，都是大学时期认识的朋友。事实上，大家已经好久没有联络，所以收到邀请的时候心里觉得很温馨，有一种“原来他还记得我啊”那种开心。

2月中将要出发到北京留学了，大概要到7月初的时候才回来。非常期待这一趟旅程，就如之前所说的一样，因为“漂泊”惯了，无法在同一个地方呆很久。在双威城生活了将近一年，是时候转换环境了，也非常庆幸争取到去北京的机会。关于北京和中国的一切，希望到时可以通过部落格和大家分享。目前已定于2月14日和老爸启程到北京。因为学校方面无法给予宿舍的安排，所以必须提前去解决住宿的问题。北京的住宿费出乎意料地非常昂贵，听说普通一间单人房也要人民币2000以上，让我觉得很有负担。本来以为去东方国家可以生活得宽裕一点，看来钱还是得省着花呀！

农历新年要到了，但，对于今年的新年，我并没有强烈的期待感。最近接下了一项短期性的市场调查工作，搞得我头昏脑胀的，连过新年的心情也没有，满脑子只想着如何在去北京之前把工作做完好给人家一个交待。工作主要是和业界人士进行市场访问，了解市场趋势；到目前为止还真的碰了不少钉子，被人家拒绝到有一点怕，不过，确实也是一种可贵的学习经验。有过这次经验，以后我也应该要善待市场调查员了。

对于未来的出路，最近又有一些犹豫。之前想要加入MNC工作的想法有了动摇。人生有几多个十年？今年我也20有7了，已经没有太多青春可以挥霍在不喜欢的事情上，所以这一次我一定要好好选择我未来要走的路。

2011年 - 让我来负责自己的幸福吧！

去年，读到一则有关某台湾女子举行婚礼嫁给自己的新闻，觉得非常有趣。最近，又有另一女子效仿。看来，这个世纪的女生没有伴侣也一样可以很充实、幸福地好好生活。选择单身生活的人很多，其实也没什么必要向别人宣告的。可是，对于一些女子来说，或许还存有不能穿婚纱的遗憾吧。不晓得为什么，女子总会对穿婚纱、行婚礼这些事情有所憧憬。虽然这些台湾女子举行嫁给自己的婚礼旨在宣传“爱惜自己，一个人也可以活得很好”的讯息，但我想，她们或多或少也想满足自己当新娘的欲望吧，既然在适当结婚的时候没有适当的结婚对象，也不想委曲求全，那就干脆嫁给自己吧！

结婚毕竟是人生中一段非常珍惜的回忆，有谁不想创造完美？要找到一个能共度一生的人，来一次心动的求婚，行一场浪漫的婚礼，然后从此幸福快乐地生活……这根本就是童话故事、偶像剧所灌输的速成概念。现实生活中或许也有这些让人幸福的元素，但真实的幸福总是掺杂着遗憾，不尽完美。当然，这并不代表我们不能以完美为目标而努力，因为梦想就是人生奋斗的动力啊！

2011 年已经预定要参加两场朋友的婚礼。前几天，梦见了一位很好的朋友会在今年宣告喜讯，虽然不知道这个梦是源自于怎么样的潜意识，但，万一奇迹性地成事实了，会是一个让人非常期待的婚礼。单身也好，有陪在身边的人也好，最重要是能够按照自己想法和方式，充实、快乐地生活。幸福这回事，应该由自己去创造和掌握，而非期待别人的配合和施舍。有人说真正快乐的人从来不需要思考如何追求快乐的事。所以，也没有必要活得太刻意，做好自己的本分，珍惜和感恩身边的一切，幸福自在不言中。

这次，想和大家分享两首不同意境的歌曲，希望可以在新的一年里带给大家正面的能量，加油！